The one thing I do have in common with a lot of new coastie wives is that I'm young. Having just graduated college, i'm finding myself with the overwhelming majority of recent college grads needing to go back to school in order to enter the chosen job field. I've always been a go-getter so i'm pursuing a career not just because of the financial burden that we will endure if I don't, but also because i've always wanted to work. I never imagined my life would consist of staying at home and cooking dinner every night for my husband (my husband can readily attest to the fact that this does not happen ha). And I do want a family, in the not so distant future, but let's face it, a second class PO is not making the amount of money which would make having a family feasible. Don't get me wrong- we are very lucky and my husband is basically supporting our lifestyle singlehandedly as it is. Kids are expensive, though, and there is not enough extra cash right now. I see so many stay at home mom's, sometimes with more than one child, living off just their husband's income. Ladies- how do you do it?! I would love to know the secret. I hope that when we're ready for kids, i'll be able to stay home!
Getting back to it- the reason i'm writing this- it's so hard committing to certain programs and degree classes, especially when you're relying on only the time in which you're at any given duty station. In one respect, it is best for his career (and our checkbook) for him to get promoted. In the other, a promotion early in a tour often means PCSing early. So what do you do!?
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The bad days
Let me start off by saying I am new to this. By this, I mean being a military wife. I got married to my boatswains mate on March 12, 2011. This is not a cry for help, nor am I seeking sympathy/empathy from those who have it worse than I do. My husband is not deployed; he isn't even gone for more than three days at a time. This blog is simply a catharsis for me- an outlet for all those emotions (both good at bad) that accompany this lifestyle I have chosen. Seasoned military wives offer little advice aside from "stay strong, you will make friends, stay busy, it's a lifestyle change, etc." I know.
I'm 22. Like many my age, I have a degree that does little for me besides remind me of how quickly the past four years flew by, and how quickly the college debt piled up. When Barry asked me to marry him after three years of dating, I was thrilled. The idea of moving around the country and seeing parts I may not have otherwise, both excited and fascinated me. We married in March, and in May we moved to our first (his third) station. We moved from my home on Cape Cod to a similar coastal (ha, duh.) area only 40 minutes away- Newport, RI.
I never thought that my living so close to home would make me feel so far away. I keep thinking to myself- If I am feeling this way with less than an hour drive home, what is going to happen if I'm a six hour plane ride away? At this moment, I can't even stand the prospect.
And making friends? Not my speciality in the civilian community- never mind when it comes to military families, many of which are used to moving away from people they let enter their lives. I think that may have the mindset- why let people become a big part of my life when I know it's only temporary? Already, in my two months living in a primarily military community, I can see how the overwhelming majority of military "friendships" begin and persist. (This is from the spouses' standpoint, or more exactly my standpoint)
1. There is a military spouse group/organization/facebook page.
2. People join and set up meetings/lunches/playdates which almost invariably include toddlers/children, because what kind of military wife are you if you haven't popped out a kid within a year of being married?
3. People go berry picking or to the playground and talk about themselves and their children for a few hours until it's naptime or dinnertime. They all hug superficially and enthuse about how much fun they had and how they can't wait to do it again.
Sure, i'll meet plenty of people on my journey, but the imminent truth remains- not one, but both of you are going to move away. If you're lucky, you'll have a few years. There is nothing worse than becoming close with people and parting ways before you're able to give the friendship the longevity you know it needs and deserves in order to prosper.
So I guess therein lies the dilemma- Is it worth becoming good friends with people you know you will be moving away from? Is it better to form superficial friendships with those around you, because it's convenient. Many of these women would probably not have associated with half of the people they're "friends" with given the choice.
I may sound bitter- I'm not. Well, I might be at this moment. Not having children and not actively trying to conceive excludes me from about 97% of all Coastie circles (or more accurately, cliques). Don't get me wrong, I love kids and can't wait to have a family. I don't fault those whose kids consume 105% of their conversation topics, because I know I will be there one day. But forgive me for not feeling as though I have anything in common with you. I have a 3 month old puppy, but when I need a break from her, I put her in a cage.
As with any lifestyle, there are good days and there are bad days. The adjustment period after a PCS (read: move) is often dominated by bad days; but they too shall pass.
I'm 22. Like many my age, I have a degree that does little for me besides remind me of how quickly the past four years flew by, and how quickly the college debt piled up. When Barry asked me to marry him after three years of dating, I was thrilled. The idea of moving around the country and seeing parts I may not have otherwise, both excited and fascinated me. We married in March, and in May we moved to our first (his third) station. We moved from my home on Cape Cod to a similar coastal (ha, duh.) area only 40 minutes away- Newport, RI.
I never thought that my living so close to home would make me feel so far away. I keep thinking to myself- If I am feeling this way with less than an hour drive home, what is going to happen if I'm a six hour plane ride away? At this moment, I can't even stand the prospect.
And making friends? Not my speciality in the civilian community- never mind when it comes to military families, many of which are used to moving away from people they let enter their lives. I think that may have the mindset- why let people become a big part of my life when I know it's only temporary? Already, in my two months living in a primarily military community, I can see how the overwhelming majority of military "friendships" begin and persist. (This is from the spouses' standpoint, or more exactly my standpoint)
1. There is a military spouse group/organization/facebook page.
2. People join and set up meetings/lunches/playdates which almost invariably include toddlers/children, because what kind of military wife are you if you haven't popped out a kid within a year of being married?
3. People go berry picking or to the playground and talk about themselves and their children for a few hours until it's naptime or dinnertime. They all hug superficially and enthuse about how much fun they had and how they can't wait to do it again.
Sure, i'll meet plenty of people on my journey, but the imminent truth remains- not one, but both of you are going to move away. If you're lucky, you'll have a few years. There is nothing worse than becoming close with people and parting ways before you're able to give the friendship the longevity you know it needs and deserves in order to prosper.
So I guess therein lies the dilemma- Is it worth becoming good friends with people you know you will be moving away from? Is it better to form superficial friendships with those around you, because it's convenient. Many of these women would probably not have associated with half of the people they're "friends" with given the choice.
I may sound bitter- I'm not. Well, I might be at this moment. Not having children and not actively trying to conceive excludes me from about 97% of all Coastie circles (or more accurately, cliques). Don't get me wrong, I love kids and can't wait to have a family. I don't fault those whose kids consume 105% of their conversation topics, because I know I will be there one day. But forgive me for not feeling as though I have anything in common with you. I have a 3 month old puppy, but when I need a break from her, I put her in a cage.
As with any lifestyle, there are good days and there are bad days. The adjustment period after a PCS (read: move) is often dominated by bad days; but they too shall pass.
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